I never knew this could be so hard to swallow- the blatant truth. Somehow before I sent the email, I had this ominous feeling in me, that whatever the reply I get, it won't be pleasant; it would probably infuriate me once again. But I am nothing close to fury.
I teared. It seemed the pain never got away, it only got more acute. And I can't describe how awful it felt, I could only say it felt like a thousand daggers piercing right straight into my heart. Thing is, truth really hurts, and I finally understood the meaning of ignorance is bliss. Perhaps if I have never seeked answers, I wouldn't relive the pain of loss and all.
But like they say curiosity kills the cat.
I did not like a single thing I read from the email. Not a single bit. I totally agree that it is useless talking about it again, and frankly, remembering has become a new form of suffering for me. It is a regret that things have turned so drastically. Honestly I have no idea why the fuck I am weeping again. It's just that hearing stuff like things I hate about you outweighs those that I like about you won't make one feel good at all right?
And I am right after all that you still cannot forget about N. This is more than enough for me to hate you, but you know what, I am so SICK and TIRED of hearing this " I-still-can't-forget-about-her" trash, I do not have any more of mental strength to hate you.
Now I do not think there will ever be a chance of us talking ever again, and come to think of it, I do not wish to see you at Lewin already.
You are my worst nightmare.
