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I probably found the fitting song that describes my ultimate goal in life.

Another trait of cancerian- loves recollections, and will go through contents of the past over and over again. I know I shouldn't have picked up those diaries; I know I shouldn't have went through photos; I know I should have deleted all the messages still stored in my phone. There are just so many things that I should not and should do.
I am tired. Tired of images flashing across my mind whenever I close my eyes; tired of having to constantly remind myself that those sweet dreams I had will remain as dreams; tired of having to suppress my anger and disappointment whenever I come across that particular name. I can't put to words how much I struggle to brave a smile when loved ones asked after me. I can't count the number of times my heart turns sour whenever I hear where are you.

I am truly tired. I want to let go, trust me. Holding on to the past wasn't part of my agenda, it's just that till now, I still have to fight back tears at nights; I still have yet to overcome it. At times I hate myself. Hate that I take long periods of time to recover.

This song is so apt. I believe Leona lewis has a song for every shit that I go through.